I do not prefer sharing my feelings....like, ever.

I found the blog I posted about going to the casino last year on two Casino sites. I'm very puzzled as to why they used my blog, and why they didn't ask me to use it :Þ
It seems like it's from one parent company since their file naming system is the same, lol

http://www.leonelpena.com/news_view-2006-3-31-1.html
http://www.ea2-evansville.com/news_view-2006-3-31-1.html

It's already been two years :(

If you want to know what I'm talking about...
http://okamotosan2003.livejournal.com/12504.html

K, so this has been my favorite song for a while, but I didn't get around to sharing it with everyone else, lol
I would marry this man...

Artist: Turner Josh
Song: Would You Go With Me

Would you go with me if we rolled down streets of fire
Would you hold on to me tighter as the summer sun got higher
If we roll from town to town and never shut it down

Would you go with me if we were lost in fields of clover
Would we walk even closer until the trip was over
And would it be okay if I didn't know the way

If I gave you my hand would you take it
And make me the happiest man in the world
If I told you my heart couldn't beat one more minute without you, girl
Would you accompany me to the edge of the sea
Let me know if you're really a dream
I love you so, so would you go with me

Would you go with me if we rode the clouds together
Could you not look down forever
If you were lighter than a feather
Oh, and if I set you free, would you go with me

If I gave you my hand would you take it
And make me the happiest man in the world
If I told you my heart couldn't beat one more minute without you, girl
Would you accompany me to the edge of the sea
Help me tie up the ends of a dream
I gotta know, would you go with me
I love you so, so would you go with me

This is completely seperate, but happened during the same shower. I noticed I have like a few real chest hairs now. I had like the peach fuzz you have like under your arms before the real ones come in there, but there are like two dozen dark hairs on my chest now, I feel a little older :/

Well, I was in the shower, and I was just thinkin how crappy life is(not in a serious way, more ironic way, or whatever), and I heard the water changing in the pipes. I don't know if anyone else knows the sound, I'm just assuming people do, lol. So I knew the water was about to go cold, and I usually point the shower head down and step back, I always have. But today, I was a little lazy and was like, "I deserve cold water, I'm worthless" (again not serious, by this point in the thought process I was already laughing) And I just put my head down cause only the shower understands my feelings...

Well, I went over to the city over the weekend, a lot of shit went wrong on Friday. I lost my check card, at least one of my tires is missing tread, and while we were checking out the tire all the people in my car were listening to music and drained the battery. So in order to get home I had to get it jumped and ended up taking my dad's Tahoe. Well, Japantown was fun, but I don't EVER want to drive in San Francisco again. There were like 8 or so occasions where I almost killed us and/or pedestrians.

Whee, had mucho fun again wif the band gang + Kevin, lol, Kevin is the odd one out. Kevin, why you so weird? (just kidding :Þ) Anyway, I'm shaking from some sort of exhaustion right now, but not sure why since I got plenty of sleep, and I had lunch today. Talk to ya silly bitches later.

The state fair was buckets of fun because I got to hang out with some friends all day, I spent all of Monday in bed reading though. I was quite exhausted.

Date:	2006-08-21 13:47
Subject:	Family matters
Security:	Public
Mood:	chipper

So a bunch of crazy shit has been happening, and it sucks that it started right before the semester started. Let's see, last month my maternal grandmother went into the ER with the possibility of a TIA/stroke. I was called at 4:30 in the morning, and subsequently called my mother who told me I should go to the hospital. I waited with my grandmother, and ended up taking her home. She had a follow up consultation and an MRI scan. She scheduled and emergency consult shortly thereafter, and I found out she went in for "kidney pain." Her doctor informed her that you can't feel your kidneys if anything were to go wrong.

Then it was my paternal grandfather's turn. I found out from my father around noon a few weeks back that my grandfather had to go into the hospital and I was to go over to my grandmother's to take care of her in his absence. So I spent a few nights there until the weekend so my brother could do it since he still had summer school. My grandfather was able to come home around Tuesday when I was woken up by my dad when he got home from work. I was needed to pick up a prescription and a jar of oysters for my grandfather. I was able to get my meeting with a counselor at CRC beforehand and got to sign up for this semester. I went to the pharmacy and they didn't have either prescription ready, so I went to Raley's and got the oysters. To my dismay upon returning to my grandparent's residence, they wanted fresh oysters, not canned. I didn't even realize there would be fresh oysters in a jar in the seafood section, but I went back and got the right ones.

So, back to my maternal grandmother. I got a call around noon a week and a half ago or so from my grandmother, but there was no answer when I called her back. All three times she could've been asleep, but I was slightly worried. I got a call around 6pm from Kaiser informing me that my grandmother was being discharged from the emergency room. I picked her up, along with a temporary prescription of pain relievers because she refilled it too late and it hadn't arrived in the mail yet. Well, this second trip to the ER spurred my mother to fly out to help.

Around that same time my grandfather had to go into the hospital. What I heard was that he had an appointment with a doctor, but was too weak to stand to go there. He was taken to the hospital in an ambulance. No one made it sound too serious, just like fatigue or something, I dunno, I resent my Japanese side of the family quite a bit for never sharing information. That was why my grandmother lost most of her short term memory, she didn't think it was important enough to worry anyone else that she couldn't use one of her arms.

Anyway, it was nice to see my mom, and she took us to CRC to sign up for classes, and then to lunch at Denny's. Well, while we were waiting for our food, I got a call from my dad. His call was to explain to us that our grandfather wasn't going to make it. He was on his deathbed, wasn't going to be in this world much longer, etc. I was like, uh, what the hell? My mom had flown out because my grandmother was not doing well, not for her ex-father-in-law. So that was Tuesday afternoon, and my mother was helping her mother get an aide to come in everyday of the week instead of the three days it had been before. I found out Wednesday that my grandfather had already passed away. I was shocked at how fast this all happened, but not so surprised that there was more to the story. I knew my grandfather had had prostate cancer last year or the year before that. We didn't hear anything more of it, so we thought that was gone. My mother said that my grandmother said, that my other grandmother said that they found the cancer 5 years ago and he refused treatment. I was baffled by that. So he did get it treated eventually, but the recent affliction was liver cancer. It had metastasized(I've never had to spell that before...?). Well, it seems the doctors didn't look for the cancer to spread. I think that would be the only reason they didn't catch this in time. So, I'm down a grandparent. My paternal grandmother isn't who she used to be, and hasn't for about a year since the blood clot in her brain. My maternal grandmother seems to have lost something from this last stint in the hospital, but it isn't as noticeable. Even my maternal grandfather is showing signs of old age, he is now not well enough to take care of the family cabin in the summertime, and is going to be selling it shortly.

It's hard to comprehend time passing, and growing older. I thought it was bad enough knowing I no longer knew anyone from my high school, but this has been a whole lot bigger. Yikes, that was a lot to write. My first day of classes has been fun, and I have a class with people I know. :) So I'm doing pretty well right now.

My brother was retarded, and we no longer have internet at our house. K, bai, call me if you need to contact me (973) 650-8453

I had an overall wonderful day with Brandon, Daniel and Nessa. I got to see the San Fransisco Lesbian/Gay Freedom Band. It was so cool because they have band uniforms, but they're gay, can you believe it? GAY BAND UNIFORMS!!! What could be more awesome? Their plumes were rainbow-colored! It was so awesome! Very many pretty guys...like....everywhere. I don't want to see wrinkly old man penis, eww, grody. They had Elvira on the Out-of-the-Closet Thrift Stores, she has some big boobies, lol. And Beverly Leslie from Will & Grace was there. I wanted to shout one of Karen's lines, lol.

Oh, they did not organize the parade very well, so many huge gaps between groups. The parade was like 3 hours long. O_o And I ended up getting sunburned on mah face. No matter how many times it happens, I forget you can get sunburned when it's cloudy. Everyone else put on sunblock, but I was all cocky and didn't put any on. But Brandon got sunburned too, haha, he burns earier than I do. The soles of my feet were so sore from standing so long then walking many blocks. But the cool weather made it so worth it!

K, I'm really excited about Pride in SF later today. Not so much about Pride itself because I pretty much always detest mass amounts of gay people. Gay people in large numbers always remind me of a huge shallow/horny monster. Anyway, the reason I'm so excited is because I get to escape the heat! That's right suckers, you continue to melt in this retarded heat wave while I go enjoy 65 degree weather! hehe

Date:	2006-06-14 03:00
Subject:	Cowboys = HAWT
Security:	Public
Mood:	sleepy
Music:	I've got Rhythm - Judy Garland

So, yeah, I've had a thing for cowboys for, like, a long time (longer than Brokeback Mountain, KTNXBAI), and this new avatar is teh awesomeness of cowboy stuffs. Yeah, so.....you like too? :Þ

Date:	2006-05-07 04:50
Subject:	Hehe, Pokemon movie
Security:	Public
Mood:	chipper
Music:	I'm Coming Out

I totally got to watch a Pokemon movie last night. I was one of those who got totally hooked on Pokemon when it came out in the US like 8(?) years ago. And I got to watch the movie with Jirachi, it was so cute, a little star-shaped Pokemon, so cute! I'd geek out for Pokemon any time. And now the last 15 minutes of a Carrot Top movie was making me laugh, eek, what is up with that.

Oh, I got to go the drive-ins on Friday night. It was Brandon, Daniel, Josh, Hector, and another girl from their apartment's, Jasmine, and myself. We watched Ice Age 2, and it was pretty funny. Especially Queen Latifah and Ray Romano's lines:
Romano/Manny: "You're an attractive mammoth"
Latifah/Ellie: "Really? What do you like about me?"
Manny: "You're butt"
Ellie: "Yeah? What about it?"
Manny: "It's big?"
*pause*
Ellie: "Ohhhh, you're just saying that"
Haha, made me laugh so much

Oh, and I've obtained another 4 notches from Brandon for finding his keys/iPod after packing up the chairs and beanbag after the movie.

Aww, I don't quite remember, but the first night I met Brandon, I got 3 notches, I think it was because I don't have any interest in getting drunk, haha. Or maybe it was pulling out of a parking lot, and getting in the lane on the opposite side of the street through a lane meant only to enter the parking lot we were leaving, while I said, "Out the in hole!"

Gooooooood times

Date:	2006-03-30 14:33
Subject:	My first trip to a casino! (Yes, the exclamation point means I won $)
Security:	Public
Mood:	exanimate
Music:	Devil Went Down To Georgia

So I texted Brandon shortly after midnight to wish him a happy birthday, and he thanked me and stuff, but also asked if I wanted to join him in a trip to Thunder Valley Casino to gamble like 20$. I was a little nervous since I had never been gambling before, but was like, "screw it, I'm goin." So I wrapped his presents in a hurry since I wasn't expecting to need them until later today(I'm so in love with my wrapping abilities, that present was so beautiful it was almost a shame to open, lol), and headed on up.

He liked the book I got him, Someone Like You, the recently-published book by Timothy James Beck, and he hasn't opened the Sandwich maker yet, lol, Brandon and his unusual love for sandwiches all but gurantees that he will love that one too.

So, we headed on up to the Casino, and when we tried to go in the guy carded us, probably because Daniel was with us and he's still only 18, and looks quite younger than that, lol. But Brandon has lost his recent Driver's License, so he couldn't even get in. We ended up driving around to the other side, but there were two security guys there, so we ended up meeting Daniel's friends Martha and Luis around the first side we were on. We had a lenghty conversation with them about pregnancy, and border hopping, ya know, the usual.

We ended up driving around to the other side again, and Daniel stayed in the car this time. Brandon was slightly ahead of me and walked right in. I was unsure of myself, as I usually am in situations similar to this, and ended up looking at the security guy and kind of saying hi? I don't know what I was supposed to do. Anyway, he looks at me, and asks if he can see my ID which is reasonable since I just turned 21. I pulled it out, and as he was looking at it, I was lookin at him. Mah goodness he was the pretty! It was a shame I had to continue on in the casino after he was done.

So, we got inside, and Brandon went up to the Rewards counter and asked if he could get a new card since he lost it with his license. The woman asked if she could see his license, and god-damned lucky gets a call at that exact moment. So he excused himself and I went up, and proceeded to get a card since I didn't have one. I met up with him after that at the Roulette table. I think I ended up putting like $23 in, and we were playing for a while. It was really fun when one of the numbers you were betting on won, haha. I remember winning, I think 4 spins, and one of them was when I had a bet on 17/20 & 20/21/23/24 (because that was the highest payout bet that had 21 and 23) and the ball landed on 20! That was like $25 or something? I don't exactly remember, but it was a nice win. And one other time I won on a bet that I placed on a single number, number 26 which was like $50. So I decided to quit while I was ahead, and walked out with $69, yay! That was so much fun!

The book I just finished reading kept me verklempt for like the entire second half. My eyes just would not stop watering, it wasn't a depressing book, it just made me feel very strongly for the characters.

Anyway, the book is Three Fortunes in One Cookie by Cochrane Lambert (It'sa gay book if that matters to you, lol)

Date:	2006-02-26 00:53
Subject:	New Title
Security:	Public
Mood:	thoughtful
Music:	Defying Gravity

My sister told me the dumbest thing today, and is pretty self-explantory what it was. Yeah, I was laughing for like 5 minutes at the visualization of $200 worth of Twinkies. That's a lot of Twinkies ^_^

Date:	2006-02-21 19:03
Subject:	Valentine's Concert
Security:	Public
Mood:	sleepy
Music:	Whisky Lullabye

Got to play a concert on Valentine's Day. It was fun, and I'm glad Brandon finally made it to one of my concerts, quite a few set backs to that. We played Military Symphony in F, Jubilance, Suite from Bohemia, and Russian Sailor's Dance. I have really enjoyed my time in the Sac City band, I'm relied upon heavily to know my part in this band. I can actually tell that I've gotten better by being in this band. I never imagined that I could use this band to help motivate me to do better. Very glad about that ^_^
Now for the funny band stories that come out of it(stop reading if you're not in band because it will be in no way funny, lol). Since our band is so small, our conducter plays the trombone with us. In the middle of Russian Sailor's Dance, the tempo goes up quite a bit. Well, we never got it down, and everyone scattered at that part, it was hard to keep a straight face. And we don't have any trumpets, so the other clarinetist and I covered the trumpet sections when we had rests. It was going fine looking back and forth, but I look over at his stand and start playing 40, and halfway to 48 realize it's the wrong part. I ended up playing the same, pretty-high section twice. Yeah, not so funny, but funny in a way, lol.

Date:	2006-02-21 18:52
Subject:	The Helper
Security:	Public
Mood:	mellow
Music:	The Simpsons

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeah, so there was no band tonight, more free time, woo hoo? Haven't looked at Livejournal in a while. Thus was just going to be to kill time, but some points in here are said about me, and it's a nice excuse to let other people know about me, hah hah.

the Helper Test finished!

you chose CX - your Enneagram type is TWO. "I must help others" Helpers are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people's needs. How to Get Along with Me Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific. <-(Exactly, appreciation is polite) Share fun times with me. <-(I think that's, um, precise) Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours. <-(I'm sure at least one person who reads this will know the latter part is very true) Let me know that I am important and special to you. Be gentle if you decide to criticize me. In Intimate Relationships Reassure me that I am intersting to you. Reassure me often that you love me. Tell me I'm attractive and that you're glad to be seen with me. What I Like About Being a Two being able to relate easily to people and to make friends <-(I concur) knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better <-(very important to me) being generous, caring, and warm <-(I hope that shows) being sensitive to and perceptive about others' feelings <-(ditto) being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor <-(Life is all about laughing) What's Hard About Being a Two not being able to say no <-(Um, I doubt there is a person who knows me who would disagree) having low self-esteem <-(Sometimes, yeah) feeling drained from overdoing for others <-(A bit maybe) not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish <-(Yeah...) criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should being upset that others don't tune in to me as much as I tune in to them working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings Twos as Children Often are very sensitive to disapproval and criticism <-(It was not hard to make me cry XD) try hard to please their parents by being helpful and understanding <-(Also known as a suck-up, I would know -_-) are outwardly compliant are popular or try to be popular with other children <-(I tried, wasn't very successful though) act coy, precocious, or dramatic in order to get attention <-(That was my last resort) are clowns and jokers (the more extroverted Twos), or quiet and shy (the more introverted Twos) <-(The latter very much so) Twos as Parents are good listeners, love their children unconditionally, and are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they aren't) are often playful with their children wonder: "Am I doing it right?" "Am I giving enough?" "Have I caused irreparable damage?" can become fiercely protective Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele The Enneagram Made Easy Discover the 9 Types of People HarperSanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages You are not completely happy with the result?! You chose CX Would you rather have chosen: AX (SEVEN) BX (NINE) CY (SIX) CZ (ONE)

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 0% on ABC You scored higher than 31% on XYZ

Link: The Quick and Painless ENNEAGRAM Test written by felk on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test